Diapers, tantrums, formula, sleepless nights...

Day 24

This beautiful little girl is the daughter of friends of ours.  I remember the day she was born and thinking how cute she was.  I truly believe she is absolutely beautiful.  She has the perfect complexion and those pinchable cheeks and the most infectious smile.  I adore this little girl.  She also reminds me of when my kids were babies.  I am definitely not feeling a pull for more kids, but that is not to say that there are not times when I miss those days.

I remember Megan giggling in her sleep at about a month old.  I also remember her screaming night after night after night until she was about 3 months old.  I cannot tell you how many times I called my mother crying or my sister, Carolynn to come and save my daughter's life.

I loved being pregnant - both times.  I do not believe people around me loved me being pregnant, Phil and Carolynn can both attest to the fact that I may have been a bit of a bitch.  I loved the feeling of carrying a child, though.  The amazing feeling when they moved - or even when Megan felt the need to shove her little foot between my ribs.  I have no regrets.  It was a beautiful time and an amazing experience.

I certainly do not want to go through that again.  I am excited for them to (slowly) grow up and move on.  I do miss Jason falling asleep on my chest when he was a teeny tiny baby. I love looking at their baby pictures and seeing how they have changed.  I love being able to see the baby face still there in their faces now.  We push and push for them to do new things - roll over, eat solid food, crawl, walk, run, talk.  Then we try and pull them back in once they do those things.  I wasn't lying when I said I am excited for them to grow up and move on.  I am no where near ready, though.  I almost cried before Christmas when I realized that in 5 years Megan will be coming home from college for the holidays.  Ok, I did cry...shut up.  It scares the hell out of me that in 9 years my kids will both be in college.  Sure, the idea of getting time with Phil - as in just the two of us - is appealing, but I don't think I ever expected to feel the pain, yes pain of my kids growing up.

All the things they don't tell you before you have kids.  It truly is like having your heart walking around outside of your body.  I can honestly say there is nothing on this planet that I love more than I love my children - Eric, you are included in this.  Every fall, heartache, bad day I feel just as strongly as each of my kids.  I hurt for them and cry for them and wish beyond all else that I could ensure that they would never have to feel pain.  I know it is part of life and I know I have to let them experience it, but sometimes, I would like to go back to when they were little, like the beautiful baby in my picture....back when things seemed simpler.