Love/Hate

Day 37

I have a love/hate relationship with this place.  Where?  U of M Medical Center.  Why?  Well, take a seat, this may take a minute.  I love this place because they saved my brother's life.  Not only did they save him, but they managed to keep him relatively intact.  He is afterall, the same old Chad.  Same adorable smile, great personality, all around good person.  There don't seem to be any adverse affects from the brain trauma - i.e. he didn't turn into an asshole or an over-emotional freak of nature.

I have to admit, when my sister, Toinette posted something about being a bit emotional when she went to the hospital the other day, I snickered a bit.  I felt like an ass on my way there today when I got a bit emotional in the car.  The first time I stepped foot in that hospital was Tuesday, August 31, 2010.  I had NO idea what I was going to walk into.  I knew my brother was alive, but I didn't know if he was going to live.  I had horrific images in my head of him all wrapped in gauze and totally unrecognizable.  Then there was the uncertainty of how the others would react to my presence.  Afterall, I did walk out on them.

Thankfully, other than having 10 bazillion tubes sticking out from every orifice possible, including his head and being bruised and battered, he still looked like Chad.  My sisters, welcomed me - embraced actually - with open arms.  They made me feel as though I had never been gone.  We all know I walked out - whether my reasons were good are debatable.  I thought I needed to.  Did I?  I don't know.

Anyway, I hate hospitals in general.  I definitely dislike the trauma unit - bad things happen there.  I hate that we had to be there.  I hate that Chad had to get hurt.  

Then I have to stop and think - if he hadn't gotten hurt would I have ever even begun rebuilding the relationships that are now slowly falling back into place? Would I feel apart of this beautiful family?  Would my children ever have met their aunts and uncles?  I wish that he had never gotten in the accident because I do not want him to feel pain.  But - without the accident, I firmly believe I wouldn't have what I have now.

The really funny part is, while talking to him tonight I told him, if it had been any of us girls, things would be different.  While none of us will boldly state we have a "favorite" sister or sibling.  I am pretty sure we would all freely admit to the fact that he holds a special place in all of our hearts.  He is the only boy and he happens to be the most amazing brother any girl could ask for - even a girl who chose to not be a part of his life for a few years.

I love all my siblings and am thankful for this blessing in disguise.  That said - I am truly tired of the hospital....and would prefer future visits be at someone's home!